jump to navigation

Providence October 13, 2017

Posted by solrai in Uncategorized.
add a comment

This word keeps coming to mind lately. According to some it is summed up as the hand of God providing. Such a regal sounding word but with spiritual connotations. On this journey, the reality of the unknown and the scope of having no REAL control over a situation is setting in. Maybe my minds way of appeasing me is to pull this word from my memory bank.

Noun – the protective care of God or of nature as a spiritual power.

God or nature as providing protective or spiritual care.

Timely preparation for future events.

~ Source: Google

God or a force that is believed by some people to arrange the things that happen to us.

~ Source: Collins Dictionary

All the training, suggestions, and wisdom does not guarantee the actions of another. This is the sad reality I am in. *sigh*


Welcome to life as a teenager…


Where To Begin? August 23, 2017

Posted by solrai in Uncategorized.
add a comment

Many things have been on my mind lately; history, the present, the future. What do I remember and embrace about my past, the past of who I want to call my people but looking at the behavior of their children and grand children, I tend to want to distance myself. Looking at the history, the present, the future of our children’s culture so much pain, suffering, atrocities, injustice color where they came from. From bondage and slavery, to the intoxication of an idealized reality which only brings self destruction and animosity. From hatred and abuse of power to the dismantling and death of the innocent. It isn’t so much that I ask why but that I question where I stand in the middle of all this.

The desire to be a good mother is to instill compassion, the understanding of mercy, grace, and justice. To teach that life should be a journey of learning and growth to the Almighty and oneness with all of His creation. I desire to give them the tools to be strong, wise and fruitful in all areas of life. Above all to know who they are in the eyes of their creator.

On my mind:
America’s History – Native “American” History
Black History
Women’s History

Sikh History
God’s History

I feel a pinch in my heart for the collective past of pain, suffering, unbearable creativity of evil. I feel amiss if the stories of the past aren’t presented, yet I don’t desire the weight of the past to curb, or alter one’s perspective for the worse.

I chuckle softly as I recall one moment in my distant educational sessions. I looking at history I began to pull that word apart, history. Who’s story was it any way? Who’s perspective was being presented? Who’s voice was being left out? We are taught to be “critical thinkers” all the while having to accept whatever lesson plan is presented as fact. So many years, decades, and centuries have been driven by HIS-story. Few accounts of HER-story. As I dug deeper, pulling and tugging on this concept (history) the resolve came as WHO’S-story.

Who’s story to follow?

Who’s story to believe?

Who’s story to challenge?

Who’s story to teach?

Who’s story to create?

Long Time No Here October 22, 2014

Posted by solrai in Current.
1 comment so far

Many moons, suns, rains, and heat have transpired since last we spoke. The stars have stayed in the sky twinkling by nightfall and hidden by sunshine. Where has life taken me?
Where have I traveled?
What have I seen?
What has kept my attention?
Why have I been silent?
Why have I been gone so long?

Life is the only answer to any and all of these questions. Life happens to all of us.

Gestational Awareness August 7, 2012

Posted by solrai in Current, Mama's Life.
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
add a comment

As I feel the pressure build up and pain ensues all I can focus on is the well being and comfort of the one within. Never mind my state of being, I know I will survive and brave this moment. But the one within; are they in distress, are they hurt or cramped, are they feeling ok?

I can tell the time is near when things that are, will be no more and a new reality will take over…several new realities. I know the death of who I am must occur as the surrendering to openness takes place for delivery. I do not fear this change but welcome it with open arms, mind, and most importantly heart.

Between October 15, 2011

Posted by solrai in Current, India.
Tags: , , ,
add a comment

I have been blogging with NaBloPoMo (found at blogher.com).  Through the daily demand of posting, it has made me take a second look at where I am; looking at things through the between lenses.  My day has now become a list of questions causing me to be more “into” the world I am in…

Read what has been developing here: http://nablopomo.blogher.com/profile/SolRai

To India With Love October 3, 2011

Posted by solrai in Current, India.
Tags: , , , , ,
add a comment

I have traveled again to a distant land in miles but as near as my heartbeat. The separation of the past five months have been a challenge to say the least. Below are the first few thoughts since I’ve been home. Enjoy.

India Journal Entry One

And so it begins, not as if it hasn’t already started and not that anything is new, but everything is new. I lay on the bed, covered with a blanket as I gaze through the open door to the semi-sheer chocolate curtains that were dancing to the wind of the fan. My first morning in a new chapter on familiar ground. I am home with my husband after being away for about five months. Newlyweds who burn and hunger with the fresh realization of love. Although we were apart our routine of conversation didn’t waiver, twice a day like clockwork. His morning my evening. My morning his evening.

I am married! And as many times as we think about it and look at the physical manifestations of our actions, we still check daily, weekly, monthly. The road to our matrimony is one that doesn’t happen everyday. A story, our testimony, that transcends normal. Now I learn how to live with my husband, my soul mate, my children’s father.  An exciting schooling, I’m sure!

Journal Entry Two

This morning I looked again at those sheer chocolate curtains dancing with the fan moved air. The dance was part tango part waltz. A style of uniformity and order with a flare of contrasting movement. Together they moved all the same way, sometimes ebb and flow an alternate yet always resuming back together again. My eyes moved toward the floor and the shadows these dancers make. Something similar to the waves of an ocean turned into hand movements or gestures of fluidity.

Email Anyone? September 27, 2011

Posted by solrai in Current, Mama's Life.
Tags: , , , , ,
add a comment

I like to keep important things and being a mom of two with a smartphone has proved extremely useful in keeping up to date with what’s in my inbox. I can see what comes in and decide if it needs my attention immediately or at a later, more convenient date.  But when my husband questioned why I have SO many emails I brushed it off and said, “I haven’t taken the time to clean out my inbox.”

Ok, so over 12,000 emails in an inbox may be a bit excessive, but after all what good is unlimited storage space if you don’t use it, right?!

I’ve decided to take the time to clean out the inbox and before I left on my current trip I unsubscribed to some daily and weekly updates because I knew they wouldn’t prove useful on my jaunt out of town.  It was a good thing that I did.  As I began this time consuming task, I questioned myself:

  • Are all these notices really necessary?
  • What am I loosing out on if I don’t have this update in my life?
  • Do I really need to be consumption focused?
  • Is today’s daily deal from different locations really that important in my family’s life?
  • Is this sense of “urgency” warranted or prescribed?
  • Have I chosen to participate in the dictation of what’s most important?

More than 12,000 emails in one inbox. Ninety percent of what I failed to clean out in a timely manner is obsolete, outdated, over emphasized information.

10 Virgins July 27, 2011

Posted by solrai in Current.
Tags: , , , , ,

Having a pretty good understanding of compassion and helping others in need, the story of the ten virgins in the book of Matthew, chapter 25 gnawed at me.  Let me explain,  five soon to be wedded brides took extra oil to wait for the bridegroom and five did not.  The bridegroom was delayed and they all fell asleep.  When he did arrive (around midnight), they awoke and went out to the meeting place.  The five who were not prepared asked the five prepared virgins for some oil because their lamps were about to go out and they said no!  Hold it right there!  This is where I didn’t understand the lack of compassion and willingness to help. Why wouldn’t they share?  Why didn’t they all walk together so they all could see?  Why was there no other solution than, “No.  Go buy your own.”  For years this story bothered me.  It sounded like a contradiction to what I’d had been taught.  Then earlier this month my uneasiness was calmed.

Looking at this story again 10 girls/women/ladies were getting ready to be married.  Five obviously wanted to be married, they made sure they had extra/more than enough/”just in case” because they were going to see their man!  The other five went along for the journey but it doesn’t appear that they really wanted to be married.  Having gone through a wedding myself and knowing other brides, when you’re planning on getting married, you do your best to make sure everything is prepped and ready to go with a contingency plan/emergency kit/”just in case” waiting in the wings.

Image: kongsky / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In life if we do not desire the outcome we are looking for (be it marriage, success, monetary wealth, advancement, passing a test, etc) and do not prepare for it, then when the time comes, the opportunity will have passed us by.  In the end the five who went and purchased some more oil showed up to the meeting place late.  They found the door was locked and knocked, asking entry.  When someone answered, they said they didn’t know who they were and were not allowed in to the wedding.

If you want to be married – be prepared to be married.

If you want success – be prepared for the timing of success.

If you want to pass that test – be prepared to pass the test.

Make a concrete decision, and take the steps necessary to enjoy the meeting place of your desired outcome instead of being locked out/denied access because you weren’t prepared because you weren’t sure you really wanted it!

I got my extra oil – how about you?

What am I doing with it? July 27, 2011

Posted by solrai in Current, Lord Help Me.
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
add a comment

In a downward dog position this evening I look at my thighs who are closely hugging each other.  I contemplate, “look at this body I’ve been given…what am I doing with it?”  I think about the things that have been planted inside me, the talents and gifts and I ask, “What am I doing with it… with all of them?”

In a world of uncertainty where tomorrow is a probability and not a promise, the actions and movements of today seem to demand more meaning and thought behind them.  A conscious breathing, living being, aware, awake, and engaging.  I have to admit, I have been victim to haphazard muddling around life, allowing the moment to carry me from one place to another only to look back at the end of the day and ask, “where has my day gone?”  It was given over to circumstance and strummed to the tune of another’s song; I was merely harmony, a back-up singer.

So the question plagues me again, What am I doing with this life I’ve been given???

How is my tomorrow going to be different from today?

How am I going to stand in opposition to “myself”?

How am I going to attack with a passionate fervor?

How am I going to be uncompromising to that which means the most to me?

Wish me luck!



Grasshopper June 24, 2011

Posted by solrai in Current.
Tags: , , , , , ,
1 comment so far

I’ve never been a big fan of sharp things, or things that looked sharp like claws or hooks.  Bugs aren’t my most favorite friends to “hang around.”  I couldn’t help to notice that there was a medium-sized brown grasshopper that was hanging around my door this week.  It took up residency on a side wall by the door bell and stayed there for about two days.  This afternoon there was a grasshopper in the house, by the back window near the pantry (same brown styled coloring).  I quickly tried to find something in the kitchen to “catch” it and take it outside.  I managed to find a plastic funnel and plastic top to a container.

In my first attempt to capture it, I think I may have squashed its leg and put it on the kitchen floor to try to “fix it.”  I tried to capture it again and was successful without squashing any of its legs.  Out side we went (mind you I was a little on edge, hoping it wouldn’t hop profusely and freak me out causing me to drop it before we made it outside.  Once outside I dropped both plastic pieces close to the grass and noticed the grasshopper was upside down on it’s back.  I thought for sure I had killed it or put it into shock.

I walked half a block to pick up the mail and checked on the grasshopper’s status while I carefully retrieved the plastic funnel and top. It was right side up now, but motionless. ”  At least it’s not dead,” I told myself and went into the house.

I’m not a big fan of lore or superstitions yet I do pay attention to what happens in my environment.  I went online and did more research on the grasshopper due to its frequency in my life this past week.  It will be interesting to see what develops or if I see another grasshopper soon…