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Day 41 January 2, 2010

Posted by solrai in 40 Day Miracle, Current.
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The anticipated 40 day fast (the second time around) has ended.  A new year has begun and as much as I was looking forward to an email, text, or phone call, breaking this fast, I was not the recipient.  Curious as to why that is, I am at peace to believe that all’s well that ends well.  I remain true to my inital promise to wait for contact to contact me.

The last 40 days of my life have challenged me, stretched me, encouraged me, frightened me, left me oblivious, have given me peace, have tired me out, and then some.   I know I have grown for the good and have (so I believe) a good footing/foundation as to the next steps in my life.

Strangely enough, as this fast has ended, our church has challenged us to Daniel’s fast for the next 21 days beginning January 4th.  I know only some things come trough prayer AND fasting, maybe it’s just that time.


Commonalities December 1, 2009

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I honestly think that I would have to be absolutely dense to not notice the common string of pearls that keep decorating my life.  Now before I begin, don’t mistake my colorful use of words as  condoning or a posture of jubilation.  It simply is what it is.

  1. Day one of my beloved’s fast, the part of the church sermon I heard was about marriage.  Staying married.  The purpose of marriage and if you’re single, be single, enjoy and embrace singleness because God already knows the desires of your heart.
  2. Item four of the 40 Day Miracle Fast.
  3. Thoughts coming back replaying an interaction in my early adulthood where a doctor asked me if the term adultery meant anything or had significance to me…
  4. Matthew 19
  5. One friend in the process of divorce
  6. Two  friends considering divorce
  7. Matthew 5:28
  8. Today, sermon on adultery on the Christian radio station.  If a spouse divorces due to the desire to be with another, question the one wanting to leave…you want to marry an adulterer?  Based on the nature and way you two met, who’s to say they won’t LEAVE YOU for someone else just like you are considering leaving your spouse???

It’s almost like everywhere I turn I hear adultery linked with divorce.  I have pondered and questioned:

  • If God’s intent for marriage isn’t fulfilling it self in the marriage, is that cause to leave?
  • Should a spouse stay married even though they are being abused (emotionally, verbally, etc)?
  • If there is a void of love, mutual respect, and/or intimacy, are you bound to stay in that relationship?
  • How do I comfort a God-loving friend who the above applies to?
  • We have been saved from all our sins, and God already knows what we’re capable of doing and will do, will breaking this commandment of “You shall not commit adultery” be forgiven if you divorce your spouse and take another?

All these thoughts continually run through my head and as they do, external circumstance places another pearl on my strand.

Day 6×2 November 27, 2009

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It feels like at least a week has gone by and I’m on week number two, but I’m sadly mistaken.  The last 48 hours have been a huge derailment of this train.  I think when I came to the reality of my reality regardless of anyone elses reality – I didn’t want to give my heart anymore to this cause.  I didn’t want to give my all.  Slightly depressed I battle with the knowledge that God knows what’s best for me.   I’m speculating all around the mulberry bush and not allowing my self to live, grow, and be.  The Thinking Disease, has completely infected my brain.  So what CAN I do?  I can pick myself up.  Dust and brush myself off.  Take a deep breath, and re-dedicate.  A life worth living isn’t bad, but a good and positive movement forward.

40×2 November 27, 2009

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Yes I began again and this is what has hit me so far:

  • Day 1 – Sunday – OOOOOhhhh wee!  The part of the message I heard in church today told me what had to be done (Matthew 19:1-15).  God designed marriage for a specific reason and should not derail from it.  Scripturally God does not allow divorce.  It only came about during Moses’ time because the Children of Israel had hardened their hearts.  If you’re single – which I am, remain single.  God knows your heart and desires.  What a first day.  My praise session with Kirt Franklin moved me – I am strong enough.  This won’t last.


  • Day 2 – Temptation will  come.  One of my “friends” colleagues emailed and said they were slightly upset cause we couldn’t chat after my business was completed in their office. Some customer interrupted his plans at the last minute.  I left him to tend to his business.  He obviously had something on his mind.  After emailing back and forth he made it known.  Another married man (with two kids, one only a month old) commenting that I’m very attractive and would like to be friends at least.  Throughout the whole conversation and prior I knew I had to deal with him and break the 40 Day Fast news.  But me and my mind rationalized, we’re just friends, it’s just conversation. No big deal right?!  I wouldn’t get tempted – which I haven’t.


  • Day 3 – Revelation – To Trust God Is To Trust God.  If He Says Don’t There Is A Reason And Benefit Behind It.  By me wanting to keep “talking to my married guy friends” doesn’t show my faith in listening or learing from the lesson.  Trust God With All Your HEART———-all your MIND——– all your STRENGTH!

Day 16 July 14, 2009

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6/29 – 8/8

Maybe because I’m close to the half way mark I feel that following the program isn’t as important as Day One or as in Week One.  After going through the “motions” it is clear that the Proclamation is something to live by on a daily basis.

  • Speak Positive (No negative talk, no gossip)
  • Compliment Someone
  • Give Something
  • Pray
  • Read
  • Make Healthy Decisions (No lusting, Stop eating before you’re full…)

When I read the Proclamation, I speak with all my being. Yet, if I forget to do something…I just double up later… It’s almost like it’s no big deal.  Have I grown lazy in my fasting, not keeping the zest and zeal as in week one?  Or is all this stemming from some other place…

I deeply miss one of my friendships that I have to put on hold because he is married (just to make sure there is NO lusting involved in my day to day dealings with him).  I understand the practicality of fasting on that.  I have read and listened to the topic of Lust.  Yet I still miss bouncing ideas and concepts off of him, getting a different perspective in my day to day thinking.

Reading what I just typed the thought entered in, “has my relationship with this man taken a higher priority than my commitment to something else?  Is my ‘longing’ for him overshadowing the importance of this fast?”


Profundity in simplicity.

It’s amazing that when seeking the answer to a question, the answer is already known fore when the answer is presented, a resonance is found, hence a knowingness of the answer already.

Looks like my 40 Days begins again… Day One(2). 7/14-8/23

I’m still going to earmark 8/8 and see where I am at on my initial journey… Kinda like the Children of Isreal and the time it took them to get through the Promised Land.  For me, I pray I make it there spiritually before 40 years while I am still on Earth.  And I’m not talking about Heaven.  I’m talking about, “we might be the only Jesus they see.” KF