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Have You Lost Faith February 26, 2010

Posted by solrai in Current, Love Life.
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The poll on WordPress by polldaddy.com asks, “Have you lost faith in Toyota?”  I smirked, “No,” and continued, “but I have lost faith in someone else,” I told myself as I fought back tears.  I’ve gotten to the place where I was ok with how everything went down;  Copasetic with my “new life without the father”.  And as any strong love lives, remains of what once was still tethers two together.  We chat on speaking terms.  Exchange a picture every now and again. Still miss each other.  He says we’ve grown in our time apart. Yet I remain skeptical.  Tonight confirms what I know, and already knew, and have always known…he doesn’t trust me, and probably never will.

As he realized how many friends I had on a social network and began grilling me, I had to cut it off.  It was like reliving the past all over again… 

Who cares who these people really are if you are not going to genuinely ask.  And when I tell you, take it at face value.  I gain nothing from lying. You gain nothing from skepticism. If you are not willing to accept the truth – don’t bother asking the question.

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Working It Out October 12, 2008

Posted by solrai in Lord Help Me, Love Life.
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The greatest challenge I am facing right now is the consistency of self.  Being able to forgive myself.  Being able to release the anger eruptions that come up and truly praise and be thankful for all that is going on.  I find myself getting SO angry, thinking, “If only he wasn’t so stupid…  Why did he go and mess everything up!” As soon as my brain releases those thoughts immediately I hear, “God could be saving you from something… Be thankful for where you are.”

I’m trying to find the way back to myself, the totality of me.  I haven’t completely lost who I am, but as with any relationship here on Earth, I have compromised some of myself for another.  I have even found myself cussing, ranting and raving, loosing the crisp coolness of me.

Aye Dios Mio!

And here I am…

One woman…

A mother to two…

A co-worker to few…

A family member to a handful…

A friend to some…

An acquaintance to others…

MOST IMPORTANTLY

A child of the Most High God!

I would be lying if I said I know all that will unfold and feel safe and secure in the unknowingness of my situation.  Although I’m not sure how my life will develop from here, I know deep down inside that all will be ok and I will be the smiling, bubbly, lovely, beautiful, fantastically wonderful female God wants me to be in the end.

Man I sure would like a hug from her right now.

hug Pictures, Images and Photos

Sunday, September 28th, 2008 September 29, 2008

Posted by solrai in Current, Love Life.
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A word of encouragement

A breath of fresh air

During times of confusion

And a time of despair

.

A simple share

Nothing more than a sentence

Someone has been listening

Tho my life has felt like the worth of a pence

.

I know I’m not the only one

Who thought love was the manifestation of fate

Who believed in it all

The definition found at 1st Corinthians 13:4 to 8

.

Now, I look to the One only

Who loves me beyond myself

And smiles at me and helps me

Take the real me off the shelf

.

It’s easy to walk astray

When you’re blinded by a sight

The sound so golden

The touch so right

.

Thank you for loving me

Beyond what I know

I’m just a young girl

Who has knowledge to gain & wisdom to grow

Blog Missing:FOUND!!! September 29, 2008

Posted by solrai in Current, Love Life.
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Missing Blog has been found!  Enjoy.

 

Sorrow,

Fills me up.

Covering like a thick fleece blanket.

A weight of 100 lbs.

I can’t look at a man the same.

You were all the husband I’ve known,

All my body has known.

.

Now only restoration lies in
The One greater than me.

No More He August 31, 2008

Posted by solrai in Love Life.
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It is official, the path that I was on, I am no longer on.

A love I thought I found, a concept and life that I was certain was destiny/heaven sent/fulfillment of prophecy has gone awry. We both believed (at one point in time) that we had to be strong together and strong in Christ so the Devil couldn’t place his wedge between us. Yet not only has a wedge been placed but a canyon. I can tell that rumors have caused my ex-fiancee to be filled with hurt and I think he has said some things to “get back at me.”

Yes, there is some sadness and confusion, yet I look forward to the events that will be forthcoming. I am ready for an investigation of my integrity and morals. Once it is proved that I have been faithful and telling the truth, once the fact that this case has been either fraudulent or a case of mistaken identity comes to light, all glory will be to God. The only thing that stirs up feelings of sadness is that we have gone past the point of no return based on the words of my ex and his proposed actions with another female.

I find it amazing that at the quickness of a heartbeat he said he would call up an area “hottie” and spend some intimate time with her. He’s kept her contact info this whole time… and we were going to walk down the aisle of life together?1? Simply amazing.

I know I am a naive girl. Always wishing and hoping for the best. Seeing the potential in everyone (most of the time). Looking for the silver lining in a dark cloud. Yet I know the peace that passes all understanding and the comfort of the Comforter will lead me through this.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; ~Proverbs 3:5

June 16th, 2008 June 26, 2008

Posted by solrai in Love Life.
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I cried out to the Lord one day.

I asked God for a sign.

(I thought it came to me in a license plate, the name of a state.)

When later that evening the basis of my request spoke to me.

I heard words of opposition in my ears.

Confused & baffled,

I pleaded for clarity from the source – but found none.

Words that were not responded to.

A dead silence hung in the air,

And the desire of death raged in my heart and galloped through my mind.

~

A sweet child,

I once was,

Innocent,

Untouched,

Wide-eyed.

Now many years exhausted,

Tear worn eyes are bloodshot,

Faith in him is lost.

Life lays all around me,

And I’m searching for the girl I once was,

The Lady who’s been lost.