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Can It Be True… March 10, 2011

Posted by solrai in Current, Lord Help Me.
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Wow!

Whoa!

Really?

The revelation hit me this week…  As cliche as it may sound to those inside (and outside) of a Christian circle, a verse that is quoted reguarly, “seek first the kingdom of god…and all things shall be added to you,” Matthew 6:33, proclaimed its truth in my life.  For the past three years and more recently of late, I have been working on putting my focus on growing myself to the woman God wants me to be.  I’ve found a church in the local community I moved to.  I attend three services regularly.  I have connected to the military outreach ministry.  I’m branching out.  Reading the Bible and other books to grow my God Girl Muscles.

In November of 2010 God placed in my life a God loving  (fearing) man that I have never thought existed.  In March we  are becoming one flesh.  When I sought after the Kingdom of God, (read, prayed, petitioned, cried out, desired, longed, hungered) to do more and be more God added to me the desire of my heart in my husband.  I let go and let God orchestrate who this man is, where he is going, who he is growing to be and how we would meet and enrich each others lives.

In awe and amazement (as I know God always is as God works out a good thing in us, at all times) yes it can be true,  moreover it is true…”seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added to you.”

Waiting For Daddy To Come Home May 23, 2010

Posted by solrai in Current, Mama's Life.
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I read an email today sent by one of the “mothers” from my church entitled, “Waiting for daddy to come home.”  I saw two girls waiting while the dog laid on it’s back. I advanced the scroll bar south, more dog and girls in pink, then, arms up and open.   The next frame showed the youngest of the two in a runner’s still frame arms wide and outstretched now. The next frame, the President getting ready to receive his daughter in a fatherly elevation into his arms.  They embrace while he holds her.

In these snapshots the obvious transcends to the background (the President and his two daughters).  I could only think what that my sons father is missing out on.  Will he ever understand or know the joy, exhilaration, and love in a moment like that?  Will he fully appreciate the gift of fatherhood and the command he’s been called to by being a dad?  I know what it feels like (being a mom) when I return home from working all week to spend the weekend with our sons.  It’s one of the greatest feelings in the world.  Pure, unadulterated, authentic, organic love.

Have You Lost Faith February 26, 2010

Posted by solrai in Current, Love Life.
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The poll on WordPress by polldaddy.com asks, “Have you lost faith in Toyota?”  I smirked, “No,” and continued, “but I have lost faith in someone else,” I told myself as I fought back tears.  I’ve gotten to the place where I was ok with how everything went down;  Copasetic with my “new life without the father”.  And as any strong love lives, remains of what once was still tethers two together.  We chat on speaking terms.  Exchange a picture every now and again. Still miss each other.  He says we’ve grown in our time apart. Yet I remain skeptical.  Tonight confirms what I know, and already knew, and have always known…he doesn’t trust me, and probably never will.

As he realized how many friends I had on a social network and began grilling me, I had to cut it off.  It was like reliving the past all over again… 

Who cares who these people really are if you are not going to genuinely ask.  And when I tell you, take it at face value.  I gain nothing from lying. You gain nothing from skepticism. If you are not willing to accept the truth – don’t bother asking the question.

To My Last Comment February 14, 2010

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It amazes me how I’ve placed such a great emphasis to my longing desires. Requesting a response to  satisfy my curiosity. All to often have I see-sawed between understanding to anxious postures.

Day 41 January 2, 2010

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The anticipated 40 day fast (the second time around) has ended.  A new year has begun and as much as I was looking forward to an email, text, or phone call, breaking this fast, I was not the recipient.  Curious as to why that is, I am at peace to believe that all’s well that ends well.  I remain true to my inital promise to wait for contact to contact me.

The last 40 days of my life have challenged me, stretched me, encouraged me, frightened me, left me oblivious, have given me peace, have tired me out, and then some.   I know I have grown for the good and have (so I believe) a good footing/foundation as to the next steps in my life.

Strangely enough, as this fast has ended, our church has challenged us to Daniel’s fast for the next 21 days beginning January 4th.  I know only some things come trough prayer AND fasting, maybe it’s just that time.

Commonalities December 1, 2009

Posted by solrai in 40 Day Miracle, Current.
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I honestly think that I would have to be absolutely dense to not notice the common string of pearls that keep decorating my life.  Now before I begin, don’t mistake my colorful use of words as  condoning or a posture of jubilation.  It simply is what it is.

  1. Day one of my beloved’s fast, the part of the church sermon I heard was about marriage.  Staying married.  The purpose of marriage and if you’re single, be single, enjoy and embrace singleness because God already knows the desires of your heart.
  2. Item four of the 40 Day Miracle Fast.
  3. Thoughts coming back replaying an interaction in my early adulthood where a doctor asked me if the term adultery meant anything or had significance to me…
  4. Matthew 19
  5. One friend in the process of divorce
  6. Two  friends considering divorce
  7. Matthew 5:28
  8. Today, sermon on adultery on the Christian radio station.  If a spouse divorces due to the desire to be with another, question the one wanting to leave…you want to marry an adulterer?  Based on the nature and way you two met, who’s to say they won’t LEAVE YOU for someone else just like you are considering leaving your spouse???

It’s almost like everywhere I turn I hear adultery linked with divorce.  I have pondered and questioned:

  • If God’s intent for marriage isn’t fulfilling it self in the marriage, is that cause to leave?
  • Should a spouse stay married even though they are being abused (emotionally, verbally, etc)?
  • If there is a void of love, mutual respect, and/or intimacy, are you bound to stay in that relationship?
  • How do I comfort a God-loving friend who the above applies to?
  • We have been saved from all our sins, and God already knows what we’re capable of doing and will do, will breaking this commandment of “You shall not commit adultery” be forgiven if you divorce your spouse and take another?

All these thoughts continually run through my head and as they do, external circumstance places another pearl on my strand.

Day 6×2 November 27, 2009

Posted by solrai in 40 Day Miracle.
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It feels like at least a week has gone by and I’m on week number two, but I’m sadly mistaken.  The last 48 hours have been a huge derailment of this train.  I think when I came to the reality of my reality regardless of anyone elses reality – I didn’t want to give my heart anymore to this cause.  I didn’t want to give my all.  Slightly depressed I battle with the knowledge that God knows what’s best for me.   I’m speculating all around the mulberry bush and not allowing my self to live, grow, and be.  The Thinking Disease, has completely infected my brain.  So what CAN I do?  I can pick myself up.  Dust and brush myself off.  Take a deep breath, and re-dedicate.  A life worth living isn’t bad, but a good and positive movement forward.

40×2 November 27, 2009

Posted by solrai in 40 Day Miracle.
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Yes I began again and this is what has hit me so far:

  • Day 1 – Sunday – OOOOOhhhh wee!  The part of the message I heard in church today told me what had to be done (Matthew 19:1-15).  God designed marriage for a specific reason and should not derail from it.  Scripturally God does not allow divorce.  It only came about during Moses’ time because the Children of Israel had hardened their hearts.  If you’re single – which I am, remain single.  God knows your heart and desires.  What a first day.  My praise session with Kirt Franklin moved me – I am strong enough.  This won’t last.

 

  • Day 2 – Temptation will  come.  One of my “friends” colleagues emailed and said they were slightly upset cause we couldn’t chat after my business was completed in their office. Some customer interrupted his plans at the last minute.  I left him to tend to his business.  He obviously had something on his mind.  After emailing back and forth he made it known.  Another married man (with two kids, one only a month old) commenting that I’m very attractive and would like to be friends at least.  Throughout the whole conversation and prior I knew I had to deal with him and break the 40 Day Fast news.  But me and my mind rationalized, we’re just friends, it’s just conversation. No big deal right?!  I wouldn’t get tempted – which I haven’t.

 

  • Day 3 – Revelation – To Trust God Is To Trust God.  If He Says Don’t There Is A Reason And Benefit Behind It.  By me wanting to keep “talking to my married guy friends” doesn’t show my faith in listening or learing from the lesson.  Trust God With All Your HEART———-all your MIND——– all your STRENGTH!

Waiting November 27, 2009

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What is the coincidence of a fast ending on New Year’s Eve and the day after, the rebirth day – being the first day of a new year.  Curiously interesting I must say.   I read something today that warmed my heart yet I felt like I was READING into something… “Patience is bitter, but it’s fruit is sweet,” Aristotle.  As much as I wanted those words to be a communication to me, I feel they are not and are a melody to the man in the mirror.

 

It’s Me Against The World September 5, 2009

Posted by solrai in Current, Lord Help Me.
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As catchy as a phrase this was from the famous rapper Tu-Pac I find the truth of this simple 4/5 word statement in my everyday life.

I recently had the privilege of attending a three day refreshing revival at my church. Among all the great things that were brought to my attention and remembrance what stood out the most is the truth of why I am here on Earth. Regardless what may cross my path, what may try to thwart, discourage, or bring a seed of doubt into my brain and/or existence, accepting, succumbing, embracing, entertaining, or any other version of buying into the truth of a lie.. I am pro the destiny that awaits me!

Try your best all powers and principalities that live on dismay, brokenheartedness, confusion, death, complacency. I’m walking hand in hand, heart in heart with the One who loves and supports and believes in me and will see all promises come to fruition in my life.