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Once Again May 21, 2011

Posted by solrai in Current.
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Once again I write.

I reach out to express.

To hear and to be heard.

To read and to be read.

The course of my life since the last post has gone from anger, to forgiveness, to “have I really forgiven,” to releasing, to coming clean, to allowing the truth to present itself, to releasing again, and finally the manifestation of the my deepest desires of my heart.   In my journey to find the one I would grow old with, the one I would share the rest of my life with, the one who would not only be an exemplary husband but father as well, I have received abundantly more than I could have ever imagined or sought out on my own.

To the one who loves me the most, beyond my idiosyncracies, I am beyond grateful.

Lord's Armor Logo

To my husband who shows me a love I never thought possible, I appreciate every breath of you.


It’s Me Against The World September 5, 2009

Posted by solrai in Current, Lord Help Me.
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As catchy as a phrase this was from the famous rapper Tu-Pac I find the truth of this simple 4/5 word statement in my everyday life.

I recently had the privilege of attending a three day refreshing revival at my church. Among all the great things that were brought to my attention and remembrance what stood out the most is the truth of why I am here on Earth. Regardless what may cross my path, what may try to thwart, discourage, or bring a seed of doubt into my brain and/or existence, accepting, succumbing, embracing, entertaining, or any other version of buying into the truth of a lie.. I am pro the destiny that awaits me!

Try your best all powers and principalities that live on dismay, brokenheartedness, confusion, death, complacency. I’m walking hand in hand, heart in heart with the One who loves and supports and believes in me and will see all promises come to fruition in my life.

A Spark and A Servant August 31, 2008

Posted by solrai in Current, Lord Help Me.
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Earlier today, I had the sparks of rage and anger try to ignite me. They tried to light the logs of past hurts to create a bonfire of hatred. I let it pass by preoccupying myself.

(Diversion is an awesome tool. )

In the quiet hours of the night I am reflecting on the events of recent and a shadow of sadness along with those sparks crept up again. I said to myself, “I am a servant of God.” Immediately my perspective was changed. Regardless of what decisions I made in the past to equal my present and shape my future, holding fast to the reality that I am a servant of the Most High God makes me realize that as long as I am obedient to HIM everything will be better than ok… because everything works for the good of God, to glorify God, to edify God.

All praises be to the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.

2006 January 4, 2006

Posted by solrai in Lord Help Me.
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“Revial fire fall. Revival FIRE FALL! Revival fire fall.” This chorus ran through my head since the beginning of this year.

I never thought I would be in this place, the space in my life where I am truly desiring to let go of all that I thought I knew to become a Disciple of Christ, like my dogtags characterized two years ago when I left boot camp in Great Lakes, Michigan. I’m not talking about the textbook version of the above statement but the real embodiment of discipleship. The path of discipline to Christ. Being Christ like outside of the confines of church, talking to a church member, or when you remember that you forgot (when you thought thoughts, and said words that were not of a positive nature).

The past three days have been reserved for a revival at CftN. I have seen how I have gone from making a choice that is not in my highest interest with the Kingdom of God and then asking God for strength in a frightening apprehension all in the same day, January 2nd to be prescise. I too have been riding the fence as in Revelation 3:16.

A constant battle between flesh and Spirit. Yet I am reminded, “If you so love God, as your heart proclaims you do, why not live a life that will bring joy to His heart and a smile upon His face everytime He looks at you and thinks about you?”

I have so much to be thankful for… my life for 1. My health, 2. A comfortable roof over my head, 3. Food in our kitchen, shelves and refrigerator included, 4. Fresh water to drink, indoor plumbing, hot water, soap(s), clothes to choose from, the opportunity to go to school, the freedom to go to church openly. I can stand on the street corner and yell or hold a sign that says, ” I love Jesus,” and not be thrown in jail, or die.

Then again… as I typed the above a pinch is felt in my Spirit, “if you love Jesus, show it, act like it, be that love.”

That is what I wish in 2006, to be love with every breath, every moment, with all people.