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Once Again May 21, 2011

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Once again I write.

I reach out to express.

To hear and to be heard.

To read and to be read.

The course of my life since the last post has gone from anger, to forgiveness, to “have I really forgiven,” to releasing, to coming clean, to allowing the truth to present itself, to releasing again, and finally the manifestation of the my deepest desires of my heart.   In my journey to find the one I would grow old with, the one I would share the rest of my life with, the one who would not only be an exemplary husband but father as well, I have received abundantly more than I could have ever imagined or sought out on my own.

To the one who loves me the most, beyond my idiosyncracies, I am beyond grateful.

Lord's Armor Logo

To my husband who shows me a love I never thought possible, I appreciate every breath of you.

It’s Me Against The World September 5, 2009

Posted by solrai in Current, Lord Help Me.
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As catchy as a phrase this was from the famous rapper Tu-Pac I find the truth of this simple 4/5 word statement in my everyday life.

I recently had the privilege of attending a three day refreshing revival at my church. Among all the great things that were brought to my attention and remembrance what stood out the most is the truth of why I am here on Earth. Regardless what may cross my path, what may try to thwart, discourage, or bring a seed of doubt into my brain and/or existence, accepting, succumbing, embracing, entertaining, or any other version of buying into the truth of a lie.. I am pro the destiny that awaits me!

Try your best all powers and principalities that live on dismay, brokenheartedness, confusion, death, complacency. I’m walking hand in hand, heart in heart with the One who loves and supports and believes in me and will see all promises come to fruition in my life.

Meditative Monday April 6, 2009

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Sitting on the floor in nothing more than my birthday suit and a southern covering, I find peace and tranquility when I inhale and exhale God.

I find such comfort and relaxation, because as I sit here and think God I feel and consequently know, nothing can harm me, nothing can destroy me, nothing negative can live in this precious and beautiful space of meditation on God.

There is such thankfulness, humbleness, and awe knowing that I’m loved beyond all my humanness.

Thank God for God!

A Spark and A Servant August 31, 2008

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Earlier today, I had the sparks of rage and anger try to ignite me. They tried to light the logs of past hurts to create a bonfire of hatred. I let it pass by preoccupying myself.

(Diversion is an awesome tool. )

In the quiet hours of the night I am reflecting on the events of recent and a shadow of sadness along with those sparks crept up again. I said to myself, “I am a servant of God.” Immediately my perspective was changed. Regardless of what decisions I made in the past to equal my present and shape my future, holding fast to the reality that I am a servant of the Most High God makes me realize that as long as I am obedient to HIM everything will be better than ok… because everything works for the good of God, to glorify God, to edify God.

All praises be to the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.

Blues Shakers July 23, 2008

Posted by solrai in Current, Lord Help Me.
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One of my favorite phrases, “God of Wonders beyond our galaxy,” invokes space images of the Milky Way

Image courtesy of Chandra X-ray Observatory.

and the DVD cover, Indescribable. With the largeness and infinite possibility that is present with God; feelings and moments of “blah” fade quickly because the truth of the matter, the “sad” feelings are just distractions to the marvelousness that is awaiting when we have an active relationship with God.

It’s kinda hard to get “down” and depressed when you think of a God of w o n d e r s beyond our galaxy…

Another good song to shake the blues, “Living My Life On Purpose” from the CD, Almost 4-got 2 Worship, by Kim Stratton. You can listen to it for free at http://www.myspace.com/kimstratton.

The Present July 6, 2008

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Life is truly a blessing. Time and time again I see verbal, visual, audio, and combinations thereof to how much God loves and looks after me each and every day, each and every moment.

Today, after much ado, I took my newly purchased minivan to an auto repair place to have the starter changed before it went out. Since it is the beginning of the month there is money in the bank. When the mechanic came to our car with the charge or the part, labor,and time necessary to complete the task, he asked if we were sitting down. His quote was approx. $400. When the mechanic made the prepatory statement, “are you sitting down,” I thought he was going to say something in the ball park of a thousand or thousands of dollars. Without hesitation I authorized the work on the car.

Because of the grace of God I have a good job that allows the necessary funds to take care of this situation. God is always present in my life to take care of the things that I find important. How gracious is that, the God knows my needs and the desires of my heart before I even open my mouth or wrap my mind on the conception of my necessities and desires.

Life is truly amazing and precious. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not always the happy-go-lucky female so many know. I have my moments, days, and as some might say, weeks, months… years. I do have the tendency to get hot tempered, and short. All which stem from my current level of stress and my lack to resolve and dissolve the stress and/or stressors.

Do I feel guilty of having this optimistic, vivacious outlook on life? There was a time when I would feel a little pinch when I didn’t agree with a person’s bleak view of life or current, prolonged down state of being. Now I just realize and accept that we are all walking in this life looking for our anchor that ties all the non-sense of our life into a conceptual grasp of living here on Earth. My partner is in a difference space as me. My mother’s walk is different than mine. As well as my uncle, brother, play sister, cousins, co-workers… so on and so forth for each and every person I come into contact with. And that is OK. Every person is allowed to be where they are in their search for that which is greater than them.

Increasing Love June 25, 2008

Posted by solrai in Mama's Life.
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Until you have children you never really realize how deep a capacity to love is humanly possible. I have two wondrous boys, an infant and a toddler who is quickly growing into an adolescent. Each day, in every smile, and through every word of love, these two boys increase the love I have for them. It’s absolutely amazing. I think that by allowing myself to be open to be the mother I need to be and grow in love for these children this increase of love is spilling over to the growing love I have for my husband. It’s a beautiful thing when you wake up or find something new to love a person for. To be truly grateful and honor your spouse is a treasure in itself.

Simply Amazing!

Check out 1Corinthians13:13.

Unique from the Source March 8, 2006

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Did you know that you are and never were, nor could ever be a mistake? God spoke you out of His being. Amazing isn’t it!?

A little something my dad sent me… January 6, 2006

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Please forgive the capitalization in the story below. It is not an indication of “shouting.” I believe the original sender of this text didn’t want to be bothered with all the rules of engagement in English. Enjoy!

AFTER A FEW OF THE USUAL SUNDAY EVENING HYMNS, THE CHURCH’S PASTOR SLOWLY STOOD UP, WALKED OVER TO THE PULPIT AND, BEFORE HE GAVE HIS SERMON FOR THE EVENING, BRIEFLY INTRODUCED A GUEST MINISTER WHO WAS IN THE SERVICE THAT EVENING. IN THE INTRODUCTION, THE PASTOR TOLD THE CONGREGATION THAT THE GUEST MINISTER WAS ONE OF HIS DEAREST CHILDHOOD FRIENDS AND THAT HE WANTED HIM TO HAVE A FEW MOMENTS TO GREET THE CHURCH AND SHARE WHATEVER HE FELT WOULD BE APPROPRIATE FOR THE SERVICE.

WITH THAT, AN ELDERLY MAN STEPPED UP TO THE PULPIT AND BEGAN TO SPEAK. “A FATHER, HIS SON, AND A FRIEND OF HIS SON WERE SAILING OFF THE PACIFIC COAST.” HE BEGAN. “WHEN A FAST APPROACHING STORM BLOCKED ANY ATTEMPT TO GET BACK TO THE SHORE. THE WAVES WERE SO HIGH, THAT EVEN THOUGH THE FATHER WAS AN EXPERIENCED SAILOR, HE COULD NOT KEEP THE BOAT UPRIGHT AND THE THREE WERE SWEPT INTO THE OCEAN AS THE BOAT CAPSIZED.”

THE OLD MAN HESITATED FOR A MOMENT, MAKING EYE CONTACT WITH TWO TEENAGERS WHO WERE, FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THE SERVICE BEGAN, LOOKING SOMEWHAT INTERESTED IN HIS STORY. THE AGED MINISTER CONTINUED WITH HIS STORY, “GRABBING A RESCUE LINE, THE FATHER HAD TO MAKE THE MOST EXCRUCIATING DECISION OF HIS LIFE: TO WHICH BOY WOULD HE THROW THE OTHER END OF THE LIFE LINE. HE ONLY HAD SECONDS TO MAKE THE DECISION.

THE FATHER KNEW THAT HIS SON WAS A CHRISTIAN AND HE, ALSO, KNEW THAT HIS SON’S FRIEND WAS NOT. THE AGONY OF HIS DECISION COULD NOT BE MATCHED BY THE TORRENT OF WAVES. AS THE FATHER YELLED OUT, ‘I LOVE YOU, SON!’ HE THREW OUT THE LIFE LINE TO HIS SON’S FRIEND. BY THE TIME THE FATHER HAD PULLED THE FRIEND BACK TO THE CAPSIZED BOAT, HIS SON HAD DISAPPEARED BENEATH THE RAGING SWELLS INTO THE BLACK OF NIGHT. HIS BODY WAS NEVER RECOVERED.

BY THIS TIME, THE TWO TEENAGERS WERE SITTING UP STRAIGHT IN THE PEW, ANXIOUSLY WAITING FOR THE NEXT WORDS TO COME OUT OF THE OLD MINISTER’S MOUTH. “THE FATHER,” HE CONTINUED, “KNEW HIS SON WOULD STEP INTO ETERNITY WITH JESUS AND HE COULD NOT BEAR THE THOUGHT OF HIS SON’S FRIEND STEPPING INTO AN ETERNITY WITHOUT JESUS.. THEREFORE, HE SACRIFICED HIS SON TO SAVE THE SON’S FRIEND.”

HOW GREAT IS THE LOVE OF GOD THAT HE SHOULD DO THE SAME FOR US. OUR HEAVENLY FATHER SACRIFICED HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON THAT WE COULD BE SAVED. I URGE YOU TO ACCEPT HIS OFFER TO RESCUE YOU AND TAKE A HOLD OF THE LIFE LINE HE IS THROWING OUT TO YOU IN THIS SERVICE.”

WITH THAT, THE OLD MAN TURNED AND SAT BACK DOWN IN HIS CHAIR AS SILENCE FILLED THE ROOM. THE PASTOR AGAIN WALKED SLOWLY TO THE PULPIT AND DELIVERED A BRIEF SERMON WITH AN INVITATION AT THE END. HOWEVER, NO ONE RESPONDED TO THE APPEAL. WITHIN MINUTES AFTER THE SERVICE ENDED, THE TWO TEENAGERS WERE AT THE OLD MAN’S SIDE. “THAT WAS A NICE STORY,” POLITELY STATED ONE OF THEM, “BUT I DON’T THINK IT WAS VERY REALISTIC FOR A FATHER TO GIVE UP HIS ONLY SON’S LIFE IN HOPES THAT THE OTHER BOY WOULD BECOME A CHRISTIAN.”

“WELL, YOU’VE GOT A POINT THERE,” THE OLD MAN REPLIED GLANCING DOWN AT HIS WORN BIBLE. A BIG SMILE BROADENED HIS NARROW FACE. HE ONCE AGAIN LOOKED UP AT THE BOYS AND SAID, “IT SURE ISN’T VERY REALISTIC, IS IT? BUT I’M STANDING HERE TODAY TO TELL YOU THAT STORY GIVES ME A GLIMPSE OF WHAT IT MUST HAVE BEEN LIKE FOR GOD TO GIVE UP HIS SON FOR ME. YOU SEE…….I WAS THAT FATHER AND YOUR PASTOR IS MY SON’S FRIEND.”

Power
We never know when we will be the one to throw a life line to someone else. There is so much mapped out and awaiting our future, yet we get easily caught up in what seems to be the minute details of the present. To better explain this thought / see the big picture click here 😉

2006 January 4, 2006

Posted by solrai in Lord Help Me.
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“Revial fire fall. Revival FIRE FALL! Revival fire fall.” This chorus ran through my head since the beginning of this year.

I never thought I would be in this place, the space in my life where I am truly desiring to let go of all that I thought I knew to become a Disciple of Christ, like my dogtags characterized two years ago when I left boot camp in Great Lakes, Michigan. I’m not talking about the textbook version of the above statement but the real embodiment of discipleship. The path of discipline to Christ. Being Christ like outside of the confines of church, talking to a church member, or when you remember that you forgot (when you thought thoughts, and said words that were not of a positive nature).

The past three days have been reserved for a revival at CftN. I have seen how I have gone from making a choice that is not in my highest interest with the Kingdom of God and then asking God for strength in a frightening apprehension all in the same day, January 2nd to be prescise. I too have been riding the fence as in Revelation 3:16.

A constant battle between flesh and Spirit. Yet I am reminded, “If you so love God, as your heart proclaims you do, why not live a life that will bring joy to His heart and a smile upon His face everytime He looks at you and thinks about you?”

I have so much to be thankful for… my life for 1. My health, 2. A comfortable roof over my head, 3. Food in our kitchen, shelves and refrigerator included, 4. Fresh water to drink, indoor plumbing, hot water, soap(s), clothes to choose from, the opportunity to go to school, the freedom to go to church openly. I can stand on the street corner and yell or hold a sign that says, ” I love Jesus,” and not be thrown in jail, or die.

Then again… as I typed the above a pinch is felt in my Spirit, “if you love Jesus, show it, act like it, be that love.”

That is what I wish in 2006, to be love with every breath, every moment, with all people.