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To India With Love October 3, 2011

Posted by solrai in Current, India.
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I have traveled again to a distant land in miles but as near as my heartbeat. The separation of the past five months have been a challenge to say the least. Below are the first few thoughts since I’ve been home. Enjoy.

India Journal Entry One

And so it begins, not as if it hasn’t already started and not that anything is new, but everything is new. I lay on the bed, covered with a blanket as I gaze through the open door to the semi-sheer chocolate curtains that were dancing to the wind of the fan. My first morning in a new chapter on familiar ground. I am home with my husband after being away for about five months. Newlyweds who burn and hunger with the fresh realization of love. Although we were apart our routine of conversation didn’t waiver, twice a day like clockwork. His morning my evening. My morning his evening.

I am married! And as many times as we think about it and look at the physical manifestations of our actions, we still check daily, weekly, monthly. The road to our matrimony is one that doesn’t happen everyday. A story, our testimony, that transcends normal. Now I learn how to live with my husband, my soul mate, my children’s father.  An exciting schooling, I’m sure!

Journal Entry Two

This morning I looked again at those sheer chocolate curtains dancing with the fan moved air. The dance was part tango part waltz. A style of uniformity and order with a flare of contrasting movement. Together they moved all the same way, sometimes ebb and flow an alternate yet always resuming back together again. My eyes moved toward the floor and the shadows these dancers make. Something similar to the waves of an ocean turned into hand movements or gestures of fluidity.

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What am I doing with it? July 27, 2011

Posted by solrai in Current, Lord Help Me.
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In a downward dog position this evening I look at my thighs who are closely hugging each other.  I contemplate, “look at this body I’ve been given…what am I doing with it?”  I think about the things that have been planted inside me, the talents and gifts and I ask, “What am I doing with it… with all of them?”

In a world of uncertainty where tomorrow is a probability and not a promise, the actions and movements of today seem to demand more meaning and thought behind them.  A conscious breathing, living being, aware, awake, and engaging.  I have to admit, I have been victim to haphazard muddling around life, allowing the moment to carry me from one place to another only to look back at the end of the day and ask, “where has my day gone?”  It was given over to circumstance and strummed to the tune of another’s song; I was merely harmony, a back-up singer.

So the question plagues me again, What am I doing with this life I’ve been given???

How is my tomorrow going to be different from today?

How am I going to stand in opposition to “myself”?

How am I going to attack with a passionate fervor?

How am I going to be uncompromising to that which means the most to me?

Wish me luck!

 

 

It’s Me Against The World September 5, 2009

Posted by solrai in Current, Lord Help Me.
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As catchy as a phrase this was from the famous rapper Tu-Pac I find the truth of this simple 4/5 word statement in my everyday life.

I recently had the privilege of attending a three day refreshing revival at my church. Among all the great things that were brought to my attention and remembrance what stood out the most is the truth of why I am here on Earth. Regardless what may cross my path, what may try to thwart, discourage, or bring a seed of doubt into my brain and/or existence, accepting, succumbing, embracing, entertaining, or any other version of buying into the truth of a lie.. I am pro the destiny that awaits me!

Try your best all powers and principalities that live on dismay, brokenheartedness, confusion, death, complacency. I’m walking hand in hand, heart in heart with the One who loves and supports and believes in me and will see all promises come to fruition in my life.

Day 16 July 14, 2009

Posted by solrai in 40 Day Miracle, Current.
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6/29 – 8/8

Maybe because I’m close to the half way mark I feel that following the program isn’t as important as Day One or as in Week One.  After going through the “motions” it is clear that the Proclamation is something to live by on a daily basis.

  • Speak Positive (No negative talk, no gossip)
  • Compliment Someone
  • Give Something
  • Pray
  • Read
  • Make Healthy Decisions (No lusting, Stop eating before you’re full…)

When I read the Proclamation, I speak with all my being. Yet, if I forget to do something…I just double up later… It’s almost like it’s no big deal.  Have I grown lazy in my fasting, not keeping the zest and zeal as in week one?  Or is all this stemming from some other place…

I deeply miss one of my friendships that I have to put on hold because he is married (just to make sure there is NO lusting involved in my day to day dealings with him).  I understand the practicality of fasting on that.  I have read and listened to the topic of Lust.  Yet I still miss bouncing ideas and concepts off of him, getting a different perspective in my day to day thinking.

Reading what I just typed the thought entered in, “has my relationship with this man taken a higher priority than my commitment to something else?  Is my ‘longing’ for him overshadowing the importance of this fast?”

Wow!

Profundity in simplicity.

It’s amazing that when seeking the answer to a question, the answer is already known fore when the answer is presented, a resonance is found, hence a knowingness of the answer already.

Looks like my 40 Days begins again… Day One(2). 7/14-8/23

I’m still going to earmark 8/8 and see where I am at on my initial journey… Kinda like the Children of Isreal and the time it took them to get through the Promised Land.  For me, I pray I make it there spiritually before 40 years while I am still on Earth.  And I’m not talking about Heaven.  I’m talking about, “we might be the only Jesus they see.” KF

Working It Out October 12, 2008

Posted by solrai in Lord Help Me, Love Life.
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The greatest challenge I am facing right now is the consistency of self.  Being able to forgive myself.  Being able to release the anger eruptions that come up and truly praise and be thankful for all that is going on.  I find myself getting SO angry, thinking, “If only he wasn’t so stupid…  Why did he go and mess everything up!” As soon as my brain releases those thoughts immediately I hear, “God could be saving you from something… Be thankful for where you are.”

I’m trying to find the way back to myself, the totality of me.  I haven’t completely lost who I am, but as with any relationship here on Earth, I have compromised some of myself for another.  I have even found myself cussing, ranting and raving, loosing the crisp coolness of me.

Aye Dios Mio!

And here I am…

One woman…

A mother to two…

A co-worker to few…

A family member to a handful…

A friend to some…

An acquaintance to others…

MOST IMPORTANTLY

A child of the Most High God!

I would be lying if I said I know all that will unfold and feel safe and secure in the unknowingness of my situation.  Although I’m not sure how my life will develop from here, I know deep down inside that all will be ok and I will be the smiling, bubbly, lovely, beautiful, fantastically wonderful female God wants me to be in the end.

Man I sure would like a hug from her right now.

hug Pictures, Images and Photos

Blog Missing:FOUND!!! September 29, 2008

Posted by solrai in Current, Love Life.
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Missing Blog has been found!  Enjoy.

 

Sorrow,

Fills me up.

Covering like a thick fleece blanket.

A weight of 100 lbs.

I can’t look at a man the same.

You were all the husband I’ve known,

All my body has known.

.

Now only restoration lies in
The One greater than me.

Reflection In Mirror September 21, 2008

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I lay on my bed amongst a pile of clean clothes that need to be put away.  My oldest son is sleeping and the countdown has begun as to when he will awake again and demand most to all of my attention.  I look at myself in the mirror that is right in front of me next to my bed and see the woman looking back…

She’s a beautiful honey kisses mound of curves with soft and welcoming light brown eyes enlivened by the dark eyelashes and arch of her eyebrows.  Full lips of a light pink mauve bottom out the color on this face and the dark wine dropped neckline shirt sets off all these colors of caramel, dark brown, mauve, and light brown.  What an attractive picture!

It’s amazing how life can cause you to re-evaluate where you are and ask you where you want to go.  With all the opportunities and endless potential that lies ahead, I miss parts of my past that were to be my present and future.  Yet with all the looking back I could do… I am most happy that no body, absolutely NO MAN or any other human for that matter, can love me the way GOD loves me.  For that I am truly grateful.

For that reason, I look at the woman in the mirror and smile at the beauty God has placed inside me, the light and love God has placed inside me, the work he has for me to do, and the love he has given me to share.

There is a knock on the door

…and…

enter stage left, my son who is now seven months…

Worlds Within Worlds September 14, 2008

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I officially joined MySpace recently.  I’ve filled out my profile, had the site look into my address book and  invite the cross referenced email address on my request.  I’ve added some blogs, uploaded photos of me and my family, and recently the synapses in my brain retrieved names of people I haven’t seen or spoken to in over two decades!  I eagerly put in their name and narrowed down the field of return to find who I was looking for.  I’ve sent out friend requests and while looking at the friends of my friends I found mutual friends.

Then it hit me

While looking at mutual friends, reading their profiles, looking at the pictures in their photo albums, the people I once knew have evolved and are living in a world unknown to me (because I wasn’t there with them).  It’s like they have their bubbles (sphere) of life that existed and keeps existing since we last were in contact  with each other.  I have my sphere (bubble) that has swirled around evolving me.  And while there is their bubble and my sphere and the bubbles and spheres of all the people we know, we are all a part of the spinning bubble of this earth, and earth’s experience is nothing more than an evolving sphere within the universe.

Wow.  I almost feel like the spheres David Bowie had in the movie, The Labyrinth.

I guess the old saying is true… Life Goes On; and on and on and on and on and on and on and on. (Te he he)

So enjoy your bubble and the bubbles of those around you!

No More He August 31, 2008

Posted by solrai in Love Life.
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It is official, the path that I was on, I am no longer on.

A love I thought I found, a concept and life that I was certain was destiny/heaven sent/fulfillment of prophecy has gone awry. We both believed (at one point in time) that we had to be strong together and strong in Christ so the Devil couldn’t place his wedge between us. Yet not only has a wedge been placed but a canyon. I can tell that rumors have caused my ex-fiancee to be filled with hurt and I think he has said some things to “get back at me.”

Yes, there is some sadness and confusion, yet I look forward to the events that will be forthcoming. I am ready for an investigation of my integrity and morals. Once it is proved that I have been faithful and telling the truth, once the fact that this case has been either fraudulent or a case of mistaken identity comes to light, all glory will be to God. The only thing that stirs up feelings of sadness is that we have gone past the point of no return based on the words of my ex and his proposed actions with another female.

I find it amazing that at the quickness of a heartbeat he said he would call up an area “hottie” and spend some intimate time with her. He’s kept her contact info this whole time… and we were going to walk down the aisle of life together?1? Simply amazing.

I know I am a naive girl. Always wishing and hoping for the best. Seeing the potential in everyone (most of the time). Looking for the silver lining in a dark cloud. Yet I know the peace that passes all understanding and the comfort of the Comforter will lead me through this.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; ~Proverbs 3:5

24 HOURS CONTINUED August 2, 2008

Posted by solrai in Current, Mama's Life.
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There are only 24 hours in a day, but how does one bend the constrains of time…or am I doing “too much” with my current scope of responsibility? I’m a full-time worker, spouse, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, cook, housekeeper (sometimes), buyer, launderer, storyteller, business woman, solider, disciple, writer, reader, artist, meditator… How do I give attention to 90% of these items everyday or at least within one week, every week? Monday-Friday I work approx. 11 hours. I sleep approx. 6 hours (all interrupted). Seven hours each day during the week to try to work in the items above. On Saturday and Sunday, the Sabbath is kept holy and I try to catch up on some sleep.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a novice when it comes to getting things done. I spent the last ten years being an over achiever. Now I’m coming off of my annal high horse. I know all about prioritizing, setting goals, being flexible, going with the flow, etc, etc.

I guess all I’m saying… I have the same 24 hours as Benjamin Franklin… He achieved great things and I can still achieve great things, it just might take more time than I’d like (ego talking) to see them come to fruition.

I’m always open to listen so if you know of some method of “getting things done” that I don’t feel free to post it here.