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Once Again May 21, 2011

Posted by solrai in Current.
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Once again I write.

I reach out to express.

To hear and to be heard.

To read and to be read.

The course of my life since the last post has gone from anger, to forgiveness, to “have I really forgiven,” to releasing, to coming clean, to allowing the truth to present itself, to releasing again, and finally the manifestation of the my deepest desires of my heart.   In my journey to find the one I would grow old with, the one I would share the rest of my life with, the one who would not only be an exemplary husband but father as well, I have received abundantly more than I could have ever imagined or sought out on my own.

To the one who loves me the most, beyond my idiosyncracies, I am beyond grateful.

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To my husband who shows me a love I never thought possible, I appreciate every breath of you.

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A little something my dad sent me… January 6, 2006

Posted by solrai in Lord Help Me.
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Please forgive the capitalization in the story below. It is not an indication of “shouting.” I believe the original sender of this text didn’t want to be bothered with all the rules of engagement in English. Enjoy!

AFTER A FEW OF THE USUAL SUNDAY EVENING HYMNS, THE CHURCH’S PASTOR SLOWLY STOOD UP, WALKED OVER TO THE PULPIT AND, BEFORE HE GAVE HIS SERMON FOR THE EVENING, BRIEFLY INTRODUCED A GUEST MINISTER WHO WAS IN THE SERVICE THAT EVENING. IN THE INTRODUCTION, THE PASTOR TOLD THE CONGREGATION THAT THE GUEST MINISTER WAS ONE OF HIS DEAREST CHILDHOOD FRIENDS AND THAT HE WANTED HIM TO HAVE A FEW MOMENTS TO GREET THE CHURCH AND SHARE WHATEVER HE FELT WOULD BE APPROPRIATE FOR THE SERVICE.

WITH THAT, AN ELDERLY MAN STEPPED UP TO THE PULPIT AND BEGAN TO SPEAK. “A FATHER, HIS SON, AND A FRIEND OF HIS SON WERE SAILING OFF THE PACIFIC COAST.” HE BEGAN. “WHEN A FAST APPROACHING STORM BLOCKED ANY ATTEMPT TO GET BACK TO THE SHORE. THE WAVES WERE SO HIGH, THAT EVEN THOUGH THE FATHER WAS AN EXPERIENCED SAILOR, HE COULD NOT KEEP THE BOAT UPRIGHT AND THE THREE WERE SWEPT INTO THE OCEAN AS THE BOAT CAPSIZED.”

THE OLD MAN HESITATED FOR A MOMENT, MAKING EYE CONTACT WITH TWO TEENAGERS WHO WERE, FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THE SERVICE BEGAN, LOOKING SOMEWHAT INTERESTED IN HIS STORY. THE AGED MINISTER CONTINUED WITH HIS STORY, “GRABBING A RESCUE LINE, THE FATHER HAD TO MAKE THE MOST EXCRUCIATING DECISION OF HIS LIFE: TO WHICH BOY WOULD HE THROW THE OTHER END OF THE LIFE LINE. HE ONLY HAD SECONDS TO MAKE THE DECISION.

THE FATHER KNEW THAT HIS SON WAS A CHRISTIAN AND HE, ALSO, KNEW THAT HIS SON’S FRIEND WAS NOT. THE AGONY OF HIS DECISION COULD NOT BE MATCHED BY THE TORRENT OF WAVES. AS THE FATHER YELLED OUT, ‘I LOVE YOU, SON!’ HE THREW OUT THE LIFE LINE TO HIS SON’S FRIEND. BY THE TIME THE FATHER HAD PULLED THE FRIEND BACK TO THE CAPSIZED BOAT, HIS SON HAD DISAPPEARED BENEATH THE RAGING SWELLS INTO THE BLACK OF NIGHT. HIS BODY WAS NEVER RECOVERED.

BY THIS TIME, THE TWO TEENAGERS WERE SITTING UP STRAIGHT IN THE PEW, ANXIOUSLY WAITING FOR THE NEXT WORDS TO COME OUT OF THE OLD MINISTER’S MOUTH. “THE FATHER,” HE CONTINUED, “KNEW HIS SON WOULD STEP INTO ETERNITY WITH JESUS AND HE COULD NOT BEAR THE THOUGHT OF HIS SON’S FRIEND STEPPING INTO AN ETERNITY WITHOUT JESUS.. THEREFORE, HE SACRIFICED HIS SON TO SAVE THE SON’S FRIEND.”

HOW GREAT IS THE LOVE OF GOD THAT HE SHOULD DO THE SAME FOR US. OUR HEAVENLY FATHER SACRIFICED HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON THAT WE COULD BE SAVED. I URGE YOU TO ACCEPT HIS OFFER TO RESCUE YOU AND TAKE A HOLD OF THE LIFE LINE HE IS THROWING OUT TO YOU IN THIS SERVICE.”

WITH THAT, THE OLD MAN TURNED AND SAT BACK DOWN IN HIS CHAIR AS SILENCE FILLED THE ROOM. THE PASTOR AGAIN WALKED SLOWLY TO THE PULPIT AND DELIVERED A BRIEF SERMON WITH AN INVITATION AT THE END. HOWEVER, NO ONE RESPONDED TO THE APPEAL. WITHIN MINUTES AFTER THE SERVICE ENDED, THE TWO TEENAGERS WERE AT THE OLD MAN’S SIDE. “THAT WAS A NICE STORY,” POLITELY STATED ONE OF THEM, “BUT I DON’T THINK IT WAS VERY REALISTIC FOR A FATHER TO GIVE UP HIS ONLY SON’S LIFE IN HOPES THAT THE OTHER BOY WOULD BECOME A CHRISTIAN.”

“WELL, YOU’VE GOT A POINT THERE,” THE OLD MAN REPLIED GLANCING DOWN AT HIS WORN BIBLE. A BIG SMILE BROADENED HIS NARROW FACE. HE ONCE AGAIN LOOKED UP AT THE BOYS AND SAID, “IT SURE ISN’T VERY REALISTIC, IS IT? BUT I’M STANDING HERE TODAY TO TELL YOU THAT STORY GIVES ME A GLIMPSE OF WHAT IT MUST HAVE BEEN LIKE FOR GOD TO GIVE UP HIS SON FOR ME. YOU SEE…….I WAS THAT FATHER AND YOUR PASTOR IS MY SON’S FRIEND.”

Power
We never know when we will be the one to throw a life line to someone else. There is so much mapped out and awaiting our future, yet we get easily caught up in what seems to be the minute details of the present. To better explain this thought / see the big picture click here 😉

2006 January 4, 2006

Posted by solrai in Lord Help Me.
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“Revial fire fall. Revival FIRE FALL! Revival fire fall.” This chorus ran through my head since the beginning of this year.

I never thought I would be in this place, the space in my life where I am truly desiring to let go of all that I thought I knew to become a Disciple of Christ, like my dogtags characterized two years ago when I left boot camp in Great Lakes, Michigan. I’m not talking about the textbook version of the above statement but the real embodiment of discipleship. The path of discipline to Christ. Being Christ like outside of the confines of church, talking to a church member, or when you remember that you forgot (when you thought thoughts, and said words that were not of a positive nature).

The past three days have been reserved for a revival at CftN. I have seen how I have gone from making a choice that is not in my highest interest with the Kingdom of God and then asking God for strength in a frightening apprehension all in the same day, January 2nd to be prescise. I too have been riding the fence as in Revelation 3:16.

A constant battle between flesh and Spirit. Yet I am reminded, “If you so love God, as your heart proclaims you do, why not live a life that will bring joy to His heart and a smile upon His face everytime He looks at you and thinks about you?”

I have so much to be thankful for… my life for 1. My health, 2. A comfortable roof over my head, 3. Food in our kitchen, shelves and refrigerator included, 4. Fresh water to drink, indoor plumbing, hot water, soap(s), clothes to choose from, the opportunity to go to school, the freedom to go to church openly. I can stand on the street corner and yell or hold a sign that says, ” I love Jesus,” and not be thrown in jail, or die.

Then again… as I typed the above a pinch is felt in my Spirit, “if you love Jesus, show it, act like it, be that love.”

That is what I wish in 2006, to be love with every breath, every moment, with all people.