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To India With Love October 3, 2011

Posted by solrai in Current, India.
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I have traveled again to a distant land in miles but as near as my heartbeat. The separation of the past five months have been a challenge to say the least. Below are the first few thoughts since I’ve been home. Enjoy.

India Journal Entry One

And so it begins, not as if it hasn’t already started and not that anything is new, but everything is new. I lay on the bed, covered with a blanket as I gaze through the open door to the semi-sheer chocolate curtains that were dancing to the wind of the fan. My first morning in a new chapter on familiar ground. I am home with my husband after being away for about five months. Newlyweds who burn and hunger with the fresh realization of love. Although we were apart our routine of conversation didn’t waiver, twice a day like clockwork. His morning my evening. My morning his evening.

I am married! And as many times as we think about it and look at the physical manifestations of our actions, we still check daily, weekly, monthly. The road to our matrimony is one that doesn’t happen everyday. A story, our testimony, that transcends normal. Now I learn how to live with my husband, my soul mate, my children’s father.  An exciting schooling, I’m sure!

Journal Entry Two

This morning I looked again at those sheer chocolate curtains dancing with the fan moved air. The dance was part tango part waltz. A style of uniformity and order with a flare of contrasting movement. Together they moved all the same way, sometimes ebb and flow an alternate yet always resuming back together again. My eyes moved toward the floor and the shadows these dancers make. Something similar to the waves of an ocean turned into hand movements or gestures of fluidity.

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I need to P.U.S.H. January 10, 2006

Posted by solrai in Current, Lord Help Me.
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This evening I sat in the living room 1/2 listening to the news. Normally I disregard the commentary and narrative of world events yet  I stayed.  The CNN newscaster mentioned the current tactics of some of our terrorists, to use HIV positive suicide bombers. When my brain processed that audible message, I froze and became scared for the first time this “war” has been going on. I am truly afraid for my life and the life of my loved ones. I almost feel a pull to voluntarily go into the far desert to thwart those from touching the ones I love, even at the price of my life. I understand this feeling of kill or be killed.

Earlier today I sat in the office of a Christian woman. From her worn P.U.S.H. key ring, the statue on the side table, and another article, I reflected on my life. I have never P.U.S.H.ed for anything. I need to pray more. And pray more diligently with reverence on a daily, several times a day basis.

Thinking about my prayer life (rather lack there of) makes my heart ache. I might be able to shield off some of these feelings and situations if I prayed more. What injustice am I participating in due to my lack of involvement through inaction?

2006 January 4, 2006

Posted by solrai in Lord Help Me.
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“Revial fire fall. Revival FIRE FALL! Revival fire fall.” This chorus ran through my head since the beginning of this year.

I never thought I would be in this place, the space in my life where I am truly desiring to let go of all that I thought I knew to become a Disciple of Christ, like my dogtags characterized two years ago when I left boot camp in Great Lakes, Michigan. I’m not talking about the textbook version of the above statement but the real embodiment of discipleship. The path of discipline to Christ. Being Christ like outside of the confines of church, talking to a church member, or when you remember that you forgot (when you thought thoughts, and said words that were not of a positive nature).

The past three days have been reserved for a revival at CftN. I have seen how I have gone from making a choice that is not in my highest interest with the Kingdom of God and then asking God for strength in a frightening apprehension all in the same day, January 2nd to be prescise. I too have been riding the fence as in Revelation 3:16.

A constant battle between flesh and Spirit. Yet I am reminded, “If you so love God, as your heart proclaims you do, why not live a life that will bring joy to His heart and a smile upon His face everytime He looks at you and thinks about you?”

I have so much to be thankful for… my life for 1. My health, 2. A comfortable roof over my head, 3. Food in our kitchen, shelves and refrigerator included, 4. Fresh water to drink, indoor plumbing, hot water, soap(s), clothes to choose from, the opportunity to go to school, the freedom to go to church openly. I can stand on the street corner and yell or hold a sign that says, ” I love Jesus,” and not be thrown in jail, or die.

Then again… as I typed the above a pinch is felt in my Spirit, “if you love Jesus, show it, act like it, be that love.”

That is what I wish in 2006, to be love with every breath, every moment, with all people.